The Elaine Report: Feb 7 2013

Nothing to report because I watched this video 
and all the headlines seemed terribly ridiculous and petty afterwards.

However, I do recommend this post if you have an interest in letting a living award-winning author know your opinion on the reselling and lending of ebooks and audiobooks.

0206 - Words and a photo

hey.
who are you.
i'm your new boyfriend (makes sexy pose with snakelike flexibility gazing over his should at me). yep. that's right. and you can draw me any way you like.
uh huh. i suppose someone hired you to wish me a happy birthday.
no. no. it's nothing like that. ... well, maybe.
well, you're here. i guess that's all that matters. get me a drink, will you?
certainly! love to! what would you like?
surprise me.
right. uh. okay. back soon.

the dust really shows up in the sunlight. and i have this urge to fly away to a sunny beach and lay out ... (2008)

2004 in the office

Throw Bags at It

Today I discovered why I don't like WalMart. I have often complained of the shoddy service, lackadaisical attitude of the workers and been shocked by reports of the WalMart corporation's insensitivity to their employees needs. All this has kept me away from WalMart for years.

Today I went to WalMart for a prescription because it was cheap. The same prescription available at CVS for $22.50 and at Walgreen for $9.99 I purchased today for $4.00.

There was no extra expense in checking out the prices at CVS or Walgreen. Both are within minutes of my home and I drop in fairly regularly. So, the trip to WalMart was made worth my while as I used the restroom and bought groceries while waiting 30 minutes for my prescription to be filled.

I had to stop the checkout person from putting my five items into three bags. Well, four if you count the package of Charmin toilet paper rolls. And I do. I told the checkout person clearly, in English, not to double bag my stuff. It was already double bagged when I mentioned this. She then proceeded to grab an additional bag. No, I repeated. Just one bag, please. I unwrapped the egg carton from a separate bag and placed it in the now single bag. Then she asked if I wanted to have a bag for my tp. No. I mean, really. It's already bagged in strong plastic. No point in adding a layer. It's not like I'm going to sail it over the ocean or anything.

Next I walked over to pharmacy to pick up my prescription. The clerk, noticing my tp, asked if she should ring up my "tissue." I explained I had already paid for it. She put my prescription, already in a paper bag, into another bag. I got my receipt out of that bag and then put the prescription in the one plastic bag with my other items and returned the small bag to her. Did I want a bag for my tissue? No, I said, fewer bags, not more. (To make matters worse, the prescription itself comes in a plastic container – a single use, hard case, plastic container. What could be more wasteful?)

So, apparently, throw a bag at it is the WalMart way of offering customer service. I broke all the rules by not taking as many bags as I could possibly grab. To punish me, the greeter at the door asked me to prove I had paid for the tissue by showing my receipt. Uh huh. Right. Next I'll be walking out of WalMart with couches, desks and computers I haven't paid for. As my parting shot, I threw over my shoulder at the security/greeter, "I might have more stuff in my bag that you don't know about." That wiped the smirk off her face.

Anyway, back to why I don't like WalMart. It's the same reason I don't like any large department, mass media, big box store. I get treated like a number and not just a number but a sort of egg that has to fit in a predesigned little box just like all the other eggs. There are massive assumptions in all their gestures: I like and need bags, I can't be trusted, I'm just like everyone else.

This is why I prefer, say, Ellwood Thompson to Kroger. No one at Ellwood Thompson has ever treated me like a number. I am always an unknown quantity to be coddled, asked about preferences and treated as if each visit were the first. And no one throws bags at me.

pound cake and hot water

Fifteen dollars for a slice of pound cake and a cup of hot water. Would you do that? Me either but I did. I actually thought I would be getting a real breakfast. I suppose the old guard think fifteen dollars quite generous for the privilege of sitting at their elbows. Yes, I was surrounded by mostly old guys in suits. All I could think was, "Fifteen dollars for this?" Before that, I had to get out of bed early and be in town by the barely respectable time of 7:30 a.m. Why did I do that? For an inside chat with MWV and a bit of a discussion on their rebranding at the 1708 Gallery. Because it was sponsored by C3 and I expected something a bit edgy. Nope. Standard PowerPoint exhibiting all mistakes of your basic slide show (too many words, rehash of the speakers content, few images). That's the last time I pay for the honor of sitting in a recreational board room listening to someone spew corporate speak and talk about reaching the little people on the front lines.

As I sat there I wondered where all the vital young people were, the ones who are shaking it up, the ones making things happen. Making things happen elsewhere, obviously. This was old news no one wanted to hear. Most of those present had been involved in the rebranding or were business associates of those involved. What was the point?

I did learn two things. One, the "tried and true" method of rebranding has been inextricably married to organizational development. Two, the market has changed on a global scale and you'd better get on the bus. MWV has just managed to catch that bus.

like a bird

They let me out on the weekends. They have to or I would tear this cell up. Which is all bravado and lifted movie lines. I'm not Darkman or dark anything. I'm a drifter and a butterfly skimming the surface, coming into being for breath or two and then moving on to the next attraction. Where nothing attracts, I skim the currents like a bird. Maybe I'm a transformer?
Current Fads
Listening. Be Cool and Lite 98; windchimes
Watching. Darkman (1990)
Activity. working
Gadget. none
News Source. the news feeds in Safari
Reading. Men at Arms - Terry Pratchett; Sunday comics and store ad sheets in The Virginian Pilot.

Mergering at the high end

Not that I'm at the extreme high end. I am close, working as I do in the Communications Department of HRH. Yesterday my analogy was an ant hive disturbed by a stick. Little ants scurrying around – some aimlessly, some with purpose. Lots of scurrying. Particularly since this little deal was kept dark and happened quickly. By late afternoon everything had settled down because a) they remembered they had jobs to do, and b) Joe from Willis was going to talk to them. I was not at that meeting. The hive was a tomb. I don't know what Joe told them but whatever it was I'm sure it made them very happy.

With a bit of sadness, I noted those who were left out and those who were shoved aside so that others could stand close to the new queen. I also noted how every merger is about somebody at the top getting a raise. Or a really fine parachute with a golden handshake. While the rest of us workers go on doing our duty to keep the hive thriving.

In between all the activity I gave crash courses on mergering for workers. Having survived the SunTrust RIF and other reorganizations, I felt I had some comfort and sanity to offer. Yep. That's me. The Florence Nightingale of corporate triage. For the moment.

Well, it's back into the hive. What will I see today?

By the way, if you go to Willis take a PC. They do not support Intel-based late model iMacs with Flash 9 (even though that exceeds their published minimum requirements – it's what I've come to expect from lazy PC guys ... "oh, we won't bother with really making the site compatible, we'll post this technical message instead, who the heck is on a Mac anyway? Well, except for that one guy in Cupertino.").