0119 - Words and Art

i had a dream about the end of the world and the only safe place was rio. (2010)

dissolving (1996)

In My Cave (2009 - 1 yr Old AV in SL)

when day is done and shadows fall I dream of you

when day is done I think of all the joys I knew

that yearning

returning

to be held in your arms

I know love, what's so love,

without you life has lost its charms ...

and although I miss

your craziness

the whole day through

I miss you most of all

when day is done

someone like you

Current Fads
Listening. Chicago - Greatest Hits; Miracle Drug, U2
Watching. The Mirror Has Two Faces (1992)
Activity. walking in the heat
Gadget. iPhone 3GS
News Source. Google News
Reading. A Vision of  Murder - Victoria Laurie
Writing. morning pages
Song of the Night: Send in the Clowns, Judy Collins

From the Porcupine

I hide - I act like a porcupine
    and hide
you must find me
   before the snakes
       kill you
phantoms live in my heart
   like mold

5/17/07/ e greywalker

Current Fads
Listening. Love is Everywhere (unpublished playlist); windy a/c
Watching. The Unmistaken Child (2009)
Activity. fantasy
Gadget. none
News Source. the news feeds in Safari
Reading. Creation's Heartbeat: Following the Reindeer Spirit - Linda Schierse Leonard; The Sandman (No. 55) - Neil Gaiman (DC Vertigo); Trail of the Dragon - Susan Kelly; The Craft - Dorothy Morrison; Care of the Soul - Thomas Moore.
Writing. nothing (omg!)
Song of the Day: If I Loved You

Blue and Green by Polyvore

Blue and Green by me
I tried to get an overall yellow background but the ap kept dropping out the background colors (like the blue in the sky). Weird but fun grouping of stuff. Everything's pretty normal except for the Stella McCartney shoes (lower right corner). I would never wear them. They would be up on a shelf at eye level, so I could enjoy them. Probably right next to the door.
Current Fads
Listening 90's Playlist (unpublished); train horn/whistle
Watching. De-Lovely (2004)
Activity. wondering why today's energy is so different from yesterday's
Gadget. Dot•it Linear Swivel LED stick up lights from Smarthome
News Source. Google News
Reading. Miss Julia Strikes Back - Ann B. Ross; My Multiverse; Mensa Journal

like a bird

They let me out on the weekends. They have to or I would tear this cell up. Which is all bravado and lifted movie lines. I'm not Darkman or dark anything. I'm a drifter and a butterfly skimming the surface, coming into being for breath or two and then moving on to the next attraction. Where nothing attracts, I skim the currents like a bird. Maybe I'm a transformer?
Current Fads
Listening. Be Cool and Lite 98; windchimes
Watching. Darkman (1990)
Activity. working
Gadget. none
News Source. the news feeds in Safari
Reading. Men at Arms - Terry Pratchett; Sunday comics and store ad sheets in The Virginian Pilot.

I think it's about forgiveness ...

This morning I awoke from a dream that big bad Chuck (aka Randy) wanted to be friends. I've written about him here and here (the man I lived with for 14 years). Only he wasn't big or bad. He was just friendly in the nicest possible way. Except that I couldn't be friends. I woke up thinking of a song, "... I think it's about forgiveness, even if you don't love me anymore." Another thing I can't do is believe he doesn't love me anymore. When you love someone, you love them forever no matter what. So, I have to believe that he never loved me. How else could he believe a lie? (Which brings up another song, "You Don't Know Me.")

Possessed by the song and the thoughts I tried to find the tune at the Apple Music Store. Not knowing who sang it, I tried "Satellite" but it wasn't Dave Matthews. Then I tried searching for "You Don't Love Me" and "Even If" and finally got a hit with "Heart of the Matter." There is one track available (unless I purchase the entire album directly from Don Henley). I bought it. It's live acoustic and not bad but also not the version that played on the radio for years until I wanted to tear the car radio out and throw it over an interstate bridge. This morning I can't get enough of it. Today it makes sense.

Finding the song led me to the Eagles which were one of Chuck's favorites, together with Metallica. Go figure.

It's hard to forgive someone I love so much who, apparently, doesn't love me anymore and quite possibly never did. I know I have to do it. Forgiveness is sweet and will let me get on with my life and do amazing things like finish my novel and that screenplay. And maybe even make my short stories better. And me happier.

I'm tired of being angry and tired of this aching hole. I know I'm on the road to forgiveness and right beside me are Don Henley and the Eagles.

... and when I'm ready, you'll be there at the end of the road where it branches into a new country. I do it for you. For me. For love. To clear the planet of yet another angry, bitter person. To learn. To be me.

a dream about a poem

I dreamed that a man was reading a long poem just out of my line of sight. A man with a nice, warm voice. He was reading slowly with a deep complicated emotional reverence. He read carefully three times as if he were memorizing or maybe preparing for a presentation. As he read it the third time, I following along silently, knowing all the words. When I woke up all I could remember was:
she adjusts me
hands that heal
hands of faith

I wrote the words down during breakfast. The dream has been haunting me all day. I feel a need to report it. So, here it is.

and now for something

I woke up this morning from a dream about not getting a flight. I kept looking at my watch as I waited in the airport lounge and kept looking and then suddenly realized it was nearly six and not nearly five. I then went to the ticket counter and told the flight attendant, "I missed my flight." She said, "You sure did, Elaine." and began typing things on a keyboard while she looked at a monitor and smiled. I realized it could all be fixed, that my return fight was still good, if I could just remember where I had put my ticket. Possibly in a locker with my suitcase. I knew that any minute now she was going to ask for it. Had I left it in the car? No, I remembered having it in the airport. Fortunately I woke up.

I've had a lot of dreams like that lately; about losing things. Strange. Usually my dreams are lovely or adventurous. Oh well.

I see Perceval Press has added some fancy flash to the site. Makes it hard to read the news links but it almost fits in a screen now. Also, they've finally posted a list of upcoming books. The sale is still on! Hurry on over. You only have until Sunday.

I was interviewed by Style Weekly today about my participation in Script Frenzy. Nothing like a little attention to get me back on track. Yet here I am assiduously not writing my script. Normal, I think.

Well, I'm off to do that now. Later.