0120 - Words and Art

natural anchor
rock roughly smooth
friendly giant half merged
held willingly by earth.
a round solid daddy - veiled
transparent curtains flow down your face
silver cooling water
pools around your feet
i stand apart yet joined
by this thin stream of awe
(2008)

dream of me reading a big book that was titled "Be My Guide." (2005)

twirling scarves (2010 - Second Life scripted sculpture)

There might be a captured animation of the "Twirling Scarves." If I find it, I'll post it.

0112 - Words and Art

Roses (2003)

A Marriage Vow
You are the eye of my eye,
the soul of my soul,
the heart of my heart.
I cannot break this bond.
It isn't ours to break.
It is the life of our life.
It cannot break when we die.
Always were we joined—before we began.
Our coming together now is a recognition of that life.
This will live when we no longer live.
When we see each other again in new lives, the bond will still be there.
For I knew you before and will know you ever.
(2003)

i don't know why i 'm here. does anyone? and does that matter? i could be here for anything. anything at all. (2008)

cold storm (working title) 2004

0106 - Words and No Art

is is done yet? is it time? i don't know. i haven't really paid attention to what time it is. i may have been here 10 minutes i may have been here five minutes. any;way. i was here and i guess hta't s all that mater.s

- 2008

A poem written on January 6th (or at least published on that day). For your convenience reproduced here:

to stop wishing
I want to rush out and meet the day head on like a train wreck in a movie
- with passion and assurance
- controlled and beautiful
- - the long, long way down with all the twists and turns
- - following, following the lead, the lead, the lead and surpassing it, guiding it, immersed

to be grayer than the gray days
bluer than the blue days
whiter than the white days

to soar beyond the birds
hike my dress up
let my hair down

and to stop wishing

=============

No art. In fact, January 6th is notable for the lack of things I write or make. I generally skip most of the first part of January. The above snippet is from my Morning Pages of 2008. 

I have now opened this up to just about anything I may have written or created on the day in question. Ergo, pawing through old notebooks and finding a box of staples but no stapler. Also found the Rolling Stone tribute magazine to George Harrison on his death and the official The Mask Collector's Magazine. If you'd like to have either of them, let me know.

the discounted door

there is a history that's now closed
who can say what would have happened if
the door had stayed open

without 4:02 AM

I love playing in your fields
They are so bright and yellow
I especially like it when you aren't there
Then I can breathe without recrimination or guilt
Without the guilt of missed opportunities
Without telling myself what a fool I was
So, thank you for the fallow fields
Please surprise me at play
I dearly love to see you
.  .   .    .    .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . .. ..   . . . .
Current Fads
Listening. Whatever Gets You Thru the Night, John Lennon
Watching. Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)
Activity. getting rid of stuff
Gadget. iPhone 3GS
News Source. the news feeds in Safari
Reading. The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkein
Writing. a novel

the you

The you i make up
is always better
than the you
that exists

why do you never exist?

entered into unadvisedly

The dog is having a nightmare. He barks with his mouth closed. Birds whimper just outside the window. Was the nightingale on my deck railing bringing me messages from you? How are you by the way.

My head still resounds from the absence of pounding. A clear thrum that tells me something loud and consuming has passed away. It's you.

I should be glad for obstacles. I should feel protected.

I'm annoyed.

From the Porcupine

I hide - I act like a porcupine
    and hide
you must find me
   before the snakes
       kill you
phantoms live in my heart
   like mold

5/17/07/ e greywalker

Current Fads
Listening. Love is Everywhere (unpublished playlist); windy a/c
Watching. The Unmistaken Child (2009)
Activity. fantasy
Gadget. none
News Source. the news feeds in Safari
Reading. Creation's Heartbeat: Following the Reindeer Spirit - Linda Schierse Leonard; The Sandman (No. 55) - Neil Gaiman (DC Vertigo); Trail of the Dragon - Susan Kelly; The Craft - Dorothy Morrison; Care of the Soul - Thomas Moore.
Writing. nothing (omg!)
Song of the Day: If I Loved You

i am a rudderless ship in the midst of a becalmed ocean on a cloudy night

from far away

It's only in dreams you can do this

to rise

to be what you are

no matter what the world is making you out to be

flying like a wyvern

toasting the skies with your hot blood

set free

tanto venga

the spirit of my longing comes to me
in a dream, disguised as someone famous
we talk and laugh as if we are old friends
recently reunited
yet i don't remember him
i feel his knowing
i feel i know him
still – who is he?

behind the mask of a thousand pretty words
he waits and hopes
hopes for what?

that hope cannot be for me
i am here
— Elaine Greywalker
Current Fads
Listening. Spill the Wine, War and The Neil Diamond Collection; susurration of rain
Watching. All of Me (1984)
Activity. getting back into yoga
Gadget. cell phone (texting)
News Source. Google News
Reading. Agatha Raisin and the Fairies of Fryfam - M.C. Beaton; real energy - Bonewits; A Wish Can Change Your Life - Sasson and Weinstein; eat, pray, love Elizabeth Gilbert
Writing. Bronwen's First Age based on my unpublished novel draft

The Myth of Hope by Elaine Greywalker

Umweltschäden. Herr, vergib ihnen nichts mehr, denn sie wissen genau was sie tun. – Waltraud Puzicha (1925)
Song of the Day: And the Grass Won't Pay No Mind

after a long absence she returns

sadder but wiser
back to the shadow

what was that about forgiveness?
could it be?

unless, of course, you're just a jerk who needs constant adoration

How high the stars?

I don't know how high the stars are but I would like to find out. I would like to explode in all directions at once raking the universe with my awareness, probing the ether, sucking in the wind of change and tasting the eloquence of prediction. Going on forever – tracks of energy shooting through me like a thunderstorm. Dancing in the moonlight, swaying with the trees, connected forever to the way of things, and to you. You my darling. You my precious lump. You.
Current Fads
Listening. Love is Everywhere (iTunes playlist; unpublished); all the birds in the universe outside my windows
Watching. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (best finale ever!) (2009)
Activity. dreaming and/or living the dream in Second Life
Gadget. this here iMac 24" wonder flying carpet
News Source. Google News
Reading. The Druids - Peter Berresford Ellis; The Vicious Vet - M.C. Beaton

where you are

there where you are must be truly wonderful
or maybe you're locked up?

because you're not here.

mimosa keep

somewhere between conversation and grammar I lose my voice
I lose you, too
and I don't care
I've wasted too much time already helping you keep up

"don't wait for them to catch up," he says, stoned and flagrantly dressed, "they never will." Much later he's in a hospital playing pool calmly and arranging friends to ask me to visit him (which I did – as you might be able to tell from the detail) and then plying me with questions about where he kept his stash and I keep telling him I didn't know where he kept his stash ...

(remembering most of all saying I was safe that night although I don't think what he heard is what I meant)

... and then telling me he lied. He didn't keep his stash in the ceiling tiles and when I ask him where he did keep it he talks about game strategy. He smiles a lot and escorts me politely to the door where the guardians let me out.

I never hear from him again.

and then there's the sweet willowy girl who greets me outside the bank leaning against a railing as those with more economical intent swirl around her. the wind sensitively arranges her delicate hair. she looks up, giving me a mona lisa smile, distracted for a moment from her olfactory study of a wild blossom, slender fingers softly caressing it's petals ...

(remembering a studio apartment filled with her large canvases of naked women and the sub-audio throb of longing)

days later I find her friends sitting on the steps of the cathedral in what appears to be post-event conversation. "I've seen her," I say to them. They are shocked. Where? When? I must have been mistaken. Suddenly there is silence. They shutter their eyes and turn their heads. I move on.

messages of the heart. they meant something else to me than to everyone else. I followed those highways. now I never go into the woods. I might get lost.

pale mimosa blossoms are replaced by hardened seed pods
— Elaine Greywalker

Nothing Unknown at B and N

I
Something is knocking on my door.
Though what it is I cannot say.
It will not reveal its identity.
When I look through the glass nothing is revealed.
Yet it knocks still –
     knocks and asks for notice.

Why do I not open the door?
Because I don't know what's there.

II
I don't recognize the knock
     but I have heard it before.
That knock begs my attention
     asks for my leave to enter
     and connect.
It haunts me.
The now calls.

There is no vision.
I am alone.
We are here
     without the clone.

III
There is no knock
     no door
     no ever more.
I hear nothing
     except Bob Dylan distantly from the ceiling somewhere
     incoherent.
The knocking stops.
I am alone –
     like all of you.
— Elaine Greywalker

Current Fads
Listening. Sheryl Crow
Watching. Avanti! (1972) Try to get a copy and watch it. A painstakingly acted and directed film with a weird premise.
Activity. novel editing
Gadget. none
News Source. Google News
Reading. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - J. K. Rowling; Tao Te Ching - Jonathan Star (translator); Spirit Guides and Angel Guardians - Richard Webster; Heart Steps - Julia Cameron

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow—
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand—
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep—while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
but a dream within a dream?
– Edgar A. Poe

Two weeks ago I visited the Poe Museum for the first time, even though I've lived within five minutes of it for 10 years. Ever since then I have a new appreciation for Poe. First to write the detective and mystery novels. Now I see where Terry Pratchett gets his satirical attitude. I thought he invented the humorous footnotes in fiction but it was Poe. What a guy!

like air

I would like to be the air

that inhabits you for a moment

only. I would like to be that unnoticed

& that necessary.

-Margaret Atwood (from "Variations on the Word Sleep")


wherever you are
whoever you are

you're gone

you went there without me
leaving behind an invitation
which i've just read

i'm the one up at 2 am
lost
confused
apologetic
planning to go there and there all at the same time

at the crux of the dream and sanity
waiting
wondering
connected to something like you
something that drifts in on the wind
like windchimes
into my soul

would I be here if you didn't invite me?
too late to find out

shrimp

sorry sad shrimping feelings skitter through my heart
whispering
too scared to sing