Neighbors are either annoyers or annoyees. Most of my neighbors are quiet people like me and therefore end up being annoyees. Two houses down is a couple who have broken the unwritten rule of physical annoyance by putting up a high privacy fence, filling their yard with a pool and building a huge high deck surrounding it. That way, whenever anyone is out on the deck they can look down over the fence at the rest of us. They had maybe two annoying parties last year. It wasn't really awful. They quieted down by 10:30 p.m. On the other hand, they have only invited the extroverts across the street for one swim. I know they don't have to invite the neighbors over for a swim, it's just one of those annoying things.
Today I had my annual unfriendly exchange with the little man next door. As usual, it involved him sharing his limited vocabulary at the top of his voice about my dog and what I can do with it. I listened to him rant for a few minutes.
Then, during a break in his ranting, I replied, "Are you suggesting inappropriate congress with my dog?"
And he said, "Yes, I am!"
Which surprised me because I didn't think his vocabulary extended to two syllable words. Then I listened to a further demonstration of his limited vocabulary while waiting for him to wind down.
"That fuckin' dog is the only fuckin' boyfriend you'll ever get," he threw at me while the dog barked madly.
"He's a damn sight better than you!" I retorted loudly, which shut him up. Once again, Elaine wins!
We didn't have our little conversation last year because the previous year he played his trump card by complaining about my dog to the mayor through a friend of a friend. That trickled down to my local animal control agent who agreed with me that the little man has some serious problems. (And lucky me, I get to be his neighbor.)
Subsequent to his fruitless appeal to the mayor, I won the last little shouting match, too. He had, as usual, entertained me with his limited vocabulary for about 10 minutes. As he was winding down, he shouted, "What about my right of quiet enjoyment?" To which I replied, "What about mine?" which shut him up instantly.
Maybe he'll learn one day that no matter how much he doesn't like me and my dog he just can't win that cockeyed little game. One mustn't like one's neighbors but one must learn be unannoying.
2 comments:
that man is a serious menace. Be careful, he might loose all his marbles one day. What a nut!
Sorry about the delayed reply but life has caught up with me after not paying much attention to it in November while I wrote that novel.
There's a four-year recorded history with this man at Animal Control including his complaints, visits from agents, and my letters and comments in reply. After his first registered complaint I did discuss with the Animal Control agent the potential the little man might have to poison or otherwise attempt to threaten my dog's life. Pretty much if anything did happen to Pip, the little man would be first in line for suspicion. So, he probably won't try anything. I believe his bark is worse than his bite.
Thanks for your concern.
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